Boy, can it be expensive to be transgender. The medications can be costly (I’m lucky with medications and the insurance I’m part of), the doctors can be expensive (again, lucky on the insurance), and there are a lot of things to worry about. But one of the more depressing things is clothing and shoes.
Let me talk about it some more.
The Power Of Shoes
Starting at the bottom, we go with shoes. If you’ve ever gone into a shoe store, there’s men’s and women’s shoes, and if you’ve even measured your feet with a Brannock device, you can see it reflects different size information for men and women.
(The makers claim that a woman’s size is a man’s size plus one, but I’m not sure of that. My experience is that it’s closer to 2.)
So what does that mean for a transgender woman like me? Well, see, before transitioning, I had big feet. I mean, I wore a size 13, extra wide. I once was told by a store attendant to get out of their store to somewhere that sold clown shoes. (Yes, I reported them to their management.) Hormone Replacement Therapy can have some side effects including loss of height and a smaller shoe size, but it’s not a huge change, so my feet are still pretty big. I also have no arch, so I need some arch support
And you may not believe how many women’s shoe lines stop dead in their tracks at size 9 or 10, when I need a 14 or 15. Going shoe shopping is a source of pain and frustration for me.
My choices therefore fall into one of four categories:
- the Amazon Basics Ballet Flats, which has absolutely no support but at least looks cute on me.
- stores for drag performers
- Custom made footwear (dear heavens, the possible expense…)
- Sneakers (because sneakers are universal in most ways)
So I tend to go with 1 or 4, because 2 and 3 made my heart do this wobbly thing when I looked at it. But it would be nice to be able to get a nice wedge, honestly.
What about more fundamental things?
I can do okay with panties. A little tuck, and it mostly works.
But bras… bras are pretty much designed, as far as I can tell, to make large women feel like there’s something wrong with them. And trans women, who are still trying to understand their bodies, really feel messed up.
Trans women have different bodies, and different builds, than cis women. If (like me) you weren’t able to get out of it until after puberty, you probably have a wider rib cage and wider shoulders. So when you start trying on bras, my experience is that you may find yourself going “what the absolute flying ♠♠♠♠ is going on here?” And the expense is crazy.
(Cis women know what I’m talking about. For something that feels good and doesn’t run the risk of putting holes in your flesh if something goes bad, you’re going to go into the triple digits.)
I’m still trying to find something that’s not a sportsbra that fits me. Most of them either have cups too large for me, or they ride up over my nascent chest and then I need to go into a private room to adjust it so it’s a bra again, not a cravat.
(This is not a joke.)
And then there’s the next layer up.
For me, well, as you might have guessed, I’m a big girl. I was a big guy, and now I’m a big girl. And holy mackerel does modern American retail hate big girls. It’s crazy.
It’s only relatively recently that anyone has been considering that space. There’s more than just a muumuu now. It’s a little depressing, even with that.
Even those stores, like Torrid and Lane Bryant, seem to concentrate their stuff at the smaller end in the stores, which means having to order online and pray it kind of fits well enough. And sometimes, it’s barely worth the money.
(I found this lovely blouse that screamed “transgender”. I mean, it was in the trans flag colors and pattern. It was glorious. And it ripped the first time I wore it.)
There’s also Catherine’s, but again, it’s mail order and hope.
It’s hard to hope sometimes. You get it, you try it on and prays it fits okay, and then you either decide it’s good enough or it needs to go back and then you wait for the refund. It’s stressful as heck.
I’m trying to live as myself as much as I can, but man, why have cis women not built gibbets and strung up some of these people that define fashion and what size is correct? (And then the fact you can order three of the exact same thing and then they’re different in size? No, that’s ridiculous.)
Being transgender is not cheap. And sometimes it’s a pain.
The first in the series can be found here.
